My in-laws just came for a visit with their 6 yo, 3yo, and 12 month baby. One of the things they wanted to do was “Disney World.”
It seems that many people do not realize that Disney World is actually FOUR theme parks. The theme park with Cinderella’s castle and that most resembles Disneyland is actually called “Magic Kingdom.” The others are Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Hollywood Studios.
Each theme park is broken down further by similarly themed attractions. For example, in Magic Kingdom there is “Tomorrow Land” and “Fantasy Land” and “Adventure Land.”
I have no idea why they purchased Hopper passes (allows you to visit multiple parks in a single day and costs about $20 extra per day per ticket) because we couldn’t even make it through a single LAND at the Magic Kingdom let alone the whole theme park.
We spend 3 days total at Disney World, one day in each of the parks, except for Epcot.
Each day went like this plus or minus 20 minutes:
7:30 The kids are wide awake despite the fact that it’s technically 5:30 in their old time zone. Jet lag has no effect on them. They scream demands incessantly and argue over who gets to play with the Ipad rather than getting dressed.
8:00-8:20 My husband and I wake up and get dressed, pack lunch, and are ready to leave.
8:30 Kids start eating breakfast
9:30 Everyone is dressed but Mom of Kids is still packing lunches. Park opened half an hour ago and it’s an hour and a half drive from our house to Orlando.
10:30 We are all in car and out the door.
11:30 Stop at the side of the road and buy Gator Jerky, boiled peanuts, and a bag of Florida oranges for the road. Or fill up with gas. Or pick up some important forgotten item at the store on our way out.
|I actually love how efficient Disney parking is.
12:00 Arrive at the theme park parking lot. 3yo says he has to pee and is doing the dance even though he went before leaving the house. We are in the parking lot where there isn’t a bathroom and he refuses to go behind the back of the car. (Seriously this kid has a straight tube for a bladder.)
12:15 Arrive at front gate. Dad of Kids rushes 3yo to bathroom. Barely makes it in time. 6 yo says she has to pee now. Wait some more. Mom decides to check yo’s diaper. It’s dirty.
1:00 In the park. (I’ll use Magic Kingdom for my example.)
1:15 Castle show. 6 yo liked. 3yo bored after 7 minutes and crying because dad left the Ipad in the car.
1:30 Attraction: Monster’s Inc. Laugh Floor, 25 minute wait. Grab Fast Pass for Buzz Light year.
2:00 Lunch time. $9 for a hamburger and fries plus $3 for a drink—per person.
3:00 Attraction: It’s a Small World, 20 minute wait (This is actually in Fantasy Land, right next to Tomorrow Land.)
3:30 Bathroom break
4:00 (Yes, it does take a half hour to apparently change diapers and to convince the 3yo he needs to go potty.) Listen to 3 yo cry because we’re not going on the carousel because we have to get back to use the Buzz Light Year fast pass.
4:15 Attraction: Buzz Light Year ride, 10 minute wait with FP
4:30 Snack time. Ice Cream and whatever mom packed in cooler.
5:00 Attraction: People Mover, 10 minute wait. Grab Fast Pass for Space Mountain.
|Lawn mower engine go-karts on a track.
5:15 Tomorrow Land Speedway, 30 minute wait
5:45 3 yo still crying because 6 yo got a “Driver License” card from one of the Disney attraction workers and he didn’t.
6:00 Go to Fantasy Land to ride carousel to get 3yo to shut up.
6:15 Attraction: Prince Charming’s Carousel. Husband and I go to Phillarmagic 4D show because it’s air conditioned and you get to sit down.
|4D means it’s in 3D and it spits water/air at you and sometimes stinky/nice scents.
6:30 In-laws and kids decide they want to see the show too.
6:45 Back to Tomorrow Land because there’s no way we’re waiting 90 minutes to go on “Winnie the Pooh” or “Peter Pan’s Flight” and kids are too fussy to walk to anything on the other side of the park.
|Rotating theater featuring an antimatronics show from 1964.
7:00 1 yo is sleeping so kids go on Carousel of Progress with Dad of Kids while Mom of Kids sits with stroller.
7:30 Space Mountain with Fast Pass. 3 yo cries because he’s too short.
8:00 Other parent goes on Space Mountain. 3 yo cries again. Fireworks show.
|Best ride in the park.
8:15 Walk down Main Street, browsing shops on the way out.
8:30 Bathroom break before car ride back. 3yo refuses to go.
9:00 Leave park. Mom and Dad too annoyed wit their own kids to stay for electrical parade.
|Sorry Pete, 3yo would rather watch Spiderman 3 in the car’s DVD player. Seriously, who needs to spend a few thousand dollars on a vacation when it seems the kids are just as happy watching TV in the hotel all day rather than in the park.
10:30 Arrive back at house. 3yo noisy all the way home. 1 yo cries half the ride home. I now understand why serial killers start with animals and small children.
10:45 My bubble bath time, where I strangle my loofah sponge with all my balled up anger until it resembles dehydrated fruit.With my last bit of sanity, I remind myself to call my doctor tomorrow and have her make me an appointment to have my tubes tied.